First thing that i noticed is the fact that your scene is way too dark... even for a night scene. In a place like this you would have outdoor lamps, and other lights to illuminate the area for the customers... or what ever. Plus if you chose a daytime scene it would probably make things look allot better. Maybe try a physical Sun?

The Pen in water it's self looks pretty good, thought the glass texture isn't quite there, but i can't pin exactly what it is thats letting it down.

Other than that, the layout seems pretty good, and modeling is not too shabby either