You thought JP3 sucked? ... - Simply Maya User Community

# 1 21-11-2002 , 03:07 AM

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You thought JP3 sucked? ... (R rated)

... take a look at this guy´s script then. It´s hilarious.
https://ter.air0day.com/index.php?script=jp3

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

Last edited by adldesigner; 21-11-2002 at 03:47 AM.

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# 2 21-11-2002 , 03:10 AM

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Oh and check "Signs" one too .. couldn´t laugh anymore ... I was almost bursting! LOL

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 3 21-11-2002 , 03:10 AM

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LOL!!!!!!!!!

Israel "Izzy" Long
Motion and Title Design for Broadcast-Film-DS
izzylong.com

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# 4 21-11-2002 , 03:17 AM

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https://ter.air0day.com/index.php?scr...ackoftheclones
Ok .. I should stop reading this ... I can´t feel my abdominal muscles anymore ... LMAO LMAO LMAo

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 5 21-11-2002 , 03:24 AM

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HAYDEN finds out that his mother was killed by TUSKEN
RAIDERS, so he slaughters every single last one of them.

HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
I killed them all, Natalie. Women
and children, too.

NATALIE PORTMAN
I see. I'm definitely in love with
you now. Let's go rescue Ewan
McGregor, who has been abducted on
Geonosis. But first, let me change
into yet another god damned outfit
and spawn yet another god damned
action figure.

Originally Posted by

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 6 21-11-2002 , 03:39 AM

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She leaves and gets AMBUSHED by STOCK THUGS.

STOCK THUG
Let's rape her and kill her and
rape her again. Bwa ha ha.

Suddenly, CGI TOBEY MAGUIRE appears and saves her AGAIN.

KIRSTEN DUNST
Okay, I did that one on purpose so
I could see you again. Hey, look
at my nipples through my wet shirt!

CGI TOBEY MAGUIRE
Yeah, I saw those in the trailer.
That's probably why people came to
see the movie. Anyway, I've got to
go, I've got a meeting with CGI
Willem Dafoe.

Originally Posted by

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 7 21-11-2002 , 03:41 AM

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CGI WILLEM DAFOE
This is only the beginning of my
over-the-top villainy! Later, I
plan on putting a kitten in a
microwave with a timer on it that
can only be defused by solving a
puzzle cube!

He drops them both.

CGI TOBEY MAGUIRE
Shit, shit, shit! If I choose
Kirsten, I am a horrible person for
allowing innocents to die. But if
I choose the children, what kind of
man am I for allowing to die the
woman I love? There's only one
thing I can do.

He grabs KIRSTEN and the CABLE as well.

CGI WILLEM DAFOE
No, look, pay attention. You were
supposed to make a CHOICE. That
was the damned point.

CGI TOBEY MAGUIRE
Kirsten, grab on to my genitals.
For, uh, safety.

Originally Posted by

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 8 21-11-2002 , 03:46 AM

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BRAD kicks EDWARD in the nuts.

EDWARD NORTON
THAT WAS ****ING GREAT!

They beat the holy hell out of each other. Others join
in. The AUDIENCE is drenched with testosterone.

AUDIENCE
HELL YES! ****IN RIGHT! VIOLENCE!
BLOOD! GOD DAMN YES!!!

BRAD PITT starts ****ING THE HELL out of HELENA!

AUDIENCE (cont'd)
GOD ****ING HELL YEAH!!!
(tears apart clothes)
ROAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!!

DIRECTOR DAVID FINCHER
Wait wait, notice the subtle dark
satire. I'm cleverly showing that
consumerism and conformit--

AUDIENCE
SHUT UP!! ROARR!!
(rips Fincher in half)
WHERE ARE SOME ****ING GUNS?! I WANNA
JOIN A FIGHT CLUB RIGHT ****ING NOW!
WHERE DO I SIGN UP AND HOW MUCH DOES
IT COST?!

EDWARD NORTON
You people are totally missing the
point here.

Originally Posted by

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 9 21-11-2002 , 03:50 AM

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INT. SUBWAY

The gang is being chased into the subway by the evil
HUGO. KEANU has lost all of the eight trillion guns he
had, but he's still wearing his black trenchcoat and
eight trillion dollar sunglasses, so he's still very BAD
ASS. The group members need to each pick up the phone one
at a time in order to exit. LAURENCE exits. CARRIE-ANNE
is next.

CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
I just wanted to take this time to
tell you something.

KEANU REEVES
Dude?

CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
I know we're being chased and all...
by a killing machine... that can
completely destroy us..

KEANU REEVES
Dude.

CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
but.. I don't care. I think now is
the best time to say something which I
won't explain. I was told something
about my life. All of it came true
except one thing. This one thing.
The one thing of which I am currently
thinking. This one thing which is so
vitally important that I had to
mention it to you while we're being
chased.

KEANU REEVES
What?

CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
I can't tell you now, we're being
chased. I'll tell you when you get
out.

Originally Posted by

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 10 21-11-2002 , 03:51 AM

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HUGO WEAVING
First, you must prove you believe you
are the One by kicking the shit out of
me. It's a test you must endyuuuuure.

KEANU kicks the SHIT out of HUGO. He makes him explode
and then gives him the finger and breaks his sunglasses
and kicks him in the TESTICLES and decapitates him and
shoves his head back up his own BUTT. Vicariously
through KEANU, The AUDIENCE feels very BAD ASS. They
immediately buy SUNGLASSES and TRENCHCOATS and see if
they can fall backwards in slow motion to dodge BULLETS.

FILM CRITICS
What the hell was all that? Not only
was the plot absurd, but it had those
mindless typical action movie fights.
Either I'm an idiot and don't realize
that this is a sci-fi ACTION movie or
the film just plain sucks, now which
one do you think is right? Has anyone
seen the stick I had up my ass? I
can't find it.

The credits roll. All of the songs that actually ARE on
the soundtrack are now played.

Originally Posted by

OH my god .. I´m pissing now! LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 11 21-11-2002 , 03:59 AM

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FOREST WHITAKER
Christ, we very clearly don't want
to hurt you. I saved your
daughters life while we were in
here. I'm Forest ****ing Whitaker,
haven't you seen me in anything
else? I don't play anyone except
the large, intimidating guy with a
heart of pure gold. Now get the
**** out of my way so I can go
home, you paranoid psycho bitch. I
have a family!

JODIE FOSTER
You want to kill my daughter and
then you want to rape me! Aieee!

AUDIENCE
Oh wow, David Fincher is the master
of the surprise ending.. this is
going to be great.

DIRECTOR DAVID FINCHER
Hey, anyone wanna see if I can fit
the camera through Jodie's earring?
I bet I can..

THE CRIMINALS try to LEAVE, but FAIL, thanks to JODIE
FOSTER: WOMAN OF STEEL. FOREST WHITAKER is CAUGHT.
That's all. Nothing else happens.

FADE TO:

EXT. PARK

JODIE and KRISTEN sit on a bench.

JODIE FOSTER
Life is much better now that people
aren't trying to kill us.

The AUDIENCE attempts to derive the overall societal
criticism of the film and extract the message. They
FAIL.

AUDIENCE
Let's go watch Fight Club.

Originally Posted by

LMAO (Panic Room)

adldesigner
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Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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# 12 21-11-2002 , 12:10 PM

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LMAO

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# 13 01-09-2003 , 07:36 PM

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Small bump ... just LMAO´ed myself reading them again.
__________________________________

On another note, just saw this on msn.com
Article available here
Playing fair: Gamers and violence

By John Borland
Special to ZDNet
August 20, 2003, 7:24 AM PT

Nearly 5,000 people, most of them young men or teenaged males, spent last weekend in Dallas killing one another in the bloodiest fashion possible.

Aside from the occasional caffeine overdose, however, every one of the participants walked away without a scratch. A few even returned home with tens of thousands of dollars in prize money.

The event was QuakeCon, an annual gathering of computer gamers sponsored by id Software, the company behind "Doom," "Quake" and "Return to Castle Wolfenstein." And it also offered a fine example of why so much of the current fuss over video-game violence is just as wrongheaded as it was two decades back, when former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop began complaining about "Space Invaders" and "Missile Command."

The trouble is that computer and video-game critics have never paid enough attention to gamers themselves, the people who are supposedly sitting glassy-eyed in front of their screens, soaking up harmful lessons taught by irresponsible, profit-hungry game companies. In an increasingly censorious legislative environment, where many lawmakers want to ban or restrict sales of violent games, this lack of understanding is worth pointing out.

What critics consistently miss is that gaming is very much a social and community activity. This is true every time two fifth-graders rush home from school to play "Zelda" together. But on a broader scale, gaming's socializing effects are even more evident at an event like QuakeCon or at any of the hundreds of smaller LAN (local area network) parties that spring up in suburban garages and rented hotel rooms around the world every weekend.

Gamers there play in teams, learning how to work together just as tightly as any football squad might. Many of the kids who play "Counter-Strike" or other shooting games into the wee hours of the morning wouldn't ever be voted "most popular" at any high school--but in these circles, they've found kindred spirits and a support network that might actually keep them from reacting more aggressively to the outside world.

Ask Dennis "Thresh" Fong, who for years was the best player in the world of "Doom" and "Quake," some of the most violent games of his time. "I've been to so many LANs, so many tournaments, and I've never seen a fight," he told me. "I've spent time with the hardest of the hard-core gamers there are, and I've never seen any signs of violence."

Some research says violent games make kids act more aggressively. The findings are worth taking seriously, but they also must be looked at with a critical eye. The results seem to make simple common sense, having little to do intrinsically with gaming itself.

One oft-cited study, for example, had college students play either "Myst," a meditative, slow-paced game of puzzle-solving and exploration, or "Wolfenstein 3D," a fast-paced shooting game in which the player has to think and shoot quickly in order to stay alive. The Wolfenstein players proved to be somewhat more aggressive afterward, the researchers found.

But that's what adrenaline does, regardless of the medium. Try the same test on me after spending 15 minutes writing haiku in a Zen rock garden, and then again after another quarter-hour writing a news story on deadline with an editor standing over my shoulder. No doubt my adrenaline would be off the researchers' charts. How that short-term spike translates into the rest of a person's life depends on the socializing effects of everyday influences such as parents and peer groups--including other gamers.

I'm not an uncritical defender of violent content in games. I agree that it can contribute to a "coarsening of the culture," as says National Institute on Media and the Family founder David Walsh, a sensible voice among critics. I also worry that these and any other addictively fun games persuade kids to spend fewer hours on more thoughtful forms of entertainment such as reading, the same way football and baseball can.

But it's important to see understand how gamers are actually experiencing this medium. Critics take games too literally. They watch violence on the screen, and they equate it to real violence. In real life, gamers are pretty good at telling the difference between digital avatars and their classmates, and act accordingly.

What I'd love policy-makers and game critics to do is spend a few days with gamers at an event like QuakeCon and pay attention to the kinds of strong community bonds that develop as a result of team play and ordinary human interaction. What I'd like critics to do is stop shooting their mouths off first and asking questions later, if ever.

adldesigner
Caracas, Venezuela
Hell .. not gone perse, but with a certainly lower post count per day.

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