Never say to a woman:
" Are Ya Daft?!"
" It's Not My Fault Your Dense!!!"
"Cantankerous Wench!"
" I Love You Sarah....Ohh sh*t your Jessica!!!" (That was said while waking up from a dream, the names were changed to protect the innocent. )
" Those are Nice, but Hers are Better" ( Even if you're talking about New Tires, and No Jay not the kind from you're e-mail! lol...it'll still be taken the wrong way!)
Never,...I repeat NEVER, Snap your fingers, followed directly by the word "Woman!" in a louder than normal voice, and point to the refrigerator expecting her to bring you a Beer...that'll just get you Slapped,
Obviously there are other things Not to say or do, but these will start ya off on the right path.
Things not involving women:
Don't ask for help anymore when searching for something because people just end up insulting your intelligence without even meaning to. Like if I was looking for something and someone saw me they'd eventually ask me, "what are you looking for?" I'd respond, "I'm looking for a knife." They'd respond back with something like, "did you look in the knife drawer?" like I didn't think to look in there first! And then they'll end up looking in the knife drawer thinking I somehow "missed it". And then someone else is going to come in asking us what we're looking for. And then we'll respond back, "we're looking for a knife." And then they'll respond back with, "did you look in the knife drawer?" I GIVE UP!!!
Never....and ctbram can attest to this as he was on the other end of my Mic at the time.....
Never Rest your Elbow on the Broken Arm rest of your Computer Chair thinking it will support the entirety of your girth, be it 100 lbs or in my case 203 lbs. It wont, you're more likely to spill into the floor in a mass of crumpled surprised flesh whilst scraping a fleshy part of your side you didn't even know existed on the broken portion of said armrest, and Letting loose a string of profanity that would sting even the ears of OZzy.....I apologize once more Ctbram for the looseness of my tongue on the way down a few nights ago!...
I'm sure i'll come up with more..
G-man
