Well with the n cloth you will need to subdivide the plane. At the moment it sounds like you have a simple poly plane which is going to react like a piece of cardboard. You probably want to subdivide it 2-3 times. I am not great with n-cloth but I think you also want to triangulate the mesh as well in order to get better deformation.
Not sure about the other 2 issues but will take a look later if no one has answered your question.
Hope this helps